I should have done more
by terrietont
Summary: After a tragic shattering of a crystal gem, a certain Ocean Gem is left to grieve and reflect on her feelings.


It was a dark day in the temple. Earlier this week a tragic thing had happened.

The crystal gems whilst fighting a corrupted gem had someone come to their end.

The once bustling members of the crystal gems were silent.

Garnet sat silently on the couch with Pearl, Bismuth and Steven. Amethyst was elsewhere.

Lapis had been hiding as well. But Peridot...

She was the reason they were all in dread.

Peridot had been shattered from the fight. The corrupted gem while trying to dodge the gems attacks accidentally pushed Peridot off a ledge and into the dirt, but an injector leg had collapsed straight into her gem, cracking it.

As she began to move away, a large rock fell on her gem destroying her form and gem permanently.

Steven had tears running down his face.

He loved Peridot like his family and they all did too. Amethyst was her best friend and Lapis was her former roommate and other best friend.

Amethyst had retreat to her room. Lapis had retreated to hers.

A few weeks later. Amethyst finally retreated from her room.

Amethyst had stopped talking for a bit and become isolated for most of the next mission.

Lapis however. Didn't come out of her room once.

She was the first one to see Peridot's shards scattered over the ground. She picked them up in disbelief. Her face in utter shock.

The gem she was the closest too besides Steven was gone.

Forever.

Steven walked into Lapis's room. It was a large blue water filled fountain like room with strange patterns covering the walls and ceilings.

Lapis was seen from her back, sitting at the edge of the fountain.

Steven quietly walked in.

"Lapis?" He called out softly.

She didn't move.

Steven walked closer, but quietly making his way to her he stopped.

"It's my fault" Lapis uttered in a quiet voice.

"She would still be here, if it weren't for me"

Steven's eyes widened and he noticed Lapis's Voice slightly wavering.

"Lapis... it's not your fault, it wasn't your fault-" Bedore he could finish Lapis lashed out at him.

"STOP TRYING TO PROTECT ME! DO I LOOK LIKE I DESERVE IT? NO!"

She shouted eyes bloodshot and hair messy.

Steven backed up frightened holding his hands together tightly.

Lapis's whole expression changed. Her eyes began to water. She had yelled at her friend. The only friend she had when inside the mirror... the only one she fully trusted out of all the crystal gems minus Peridot...

She held her hand on her face groaning in an attempt to not breakdown.

"S-Steven... I-I'm So... So- s-sorry" she choked out swallowing the lump in her throat to avoid crying.

Steven looked up with tears flooding his face, he gripped tightly onto Lapis as quick as he could before she could say anything more.

He sniffed holding onto her tightly. Lapis didn't hug back. She had no courage in herself at that time. She just let the child embrace her as she stood helpless.

Finally she moved her arms shakily around him. Steven could feel her entire form trembling.

She wasn't scared. She was devestated. Steven could feel something dripping on his back.

He noticed a heavy inhalation and quiet sobbing.

Lapis was now in tears. Her trembling against the hug was a sure enough sign that this entire thing was heartbreaking. Not just because Peridot had mean't a lot to her... but also because she believed her shattering was all her fault.

She believed that she was the true cause of all of the problems, and while she had fought for the gems this time... she still couldn't believe herself to be anything but a monster.

With a heavy heart she slid down into the floor trembling in quiet tears.

"I've felt worse" The words that Blue Diamond was stunned to hear. Blue truly thought she could send the ocean gem into pure anguish and grief... but the fact was, there was still people she had back in her lives, she was more determined than ever to fight her demons.

But as for now... they were consuming her.

Her entire form was being consumed by the memory of her barnmate.

She would've shattered herself if she found out Steven had passed on from her cause as well.

There would have been nothing else to live for. Not even the planet or the others. Sure she had gotten along a lot more with the rest of the gems now... but it wasn't enough.

The next day. Amethyst had gathered sunflowers for Peridot's funeral. A tradition everyone agreed to for a beloved member of the crystal gems.

Lapis stood by the window as the gems had set up a green tent on the beach in honor of their favorite green gem.

Steven had placed her shards in a small box.  
A kind of gem coffin.

Pearl had been comforting Amethyst for a while, Garnet was too.

Bismuth was holding Pumpkin close. Lapis preferred not to be comforted at the moment.

Connie took Steven's hand and held it tight, Greg did the same on the other side of Steven's hand.

"I should've done more" Lapis uttered looking out the window of everyone preparing for the funeral.

Eventually the funeral had begun. All the townspeople and gems were silent. Most of the townspeople didn't know who Peridot was, but they cared about Steven and the gems and sotheir sympathy was much more than it seemed.

Steven stood up in front, tissues in one hand and microphone in the other.

"I wanted to thank you for coming out here today. It is with deepest regret that I inform you the loss of one of our members." Steven started sniffling as he remembered his lines.

"Our good friend Peridot, a member of the Crystal Gems was shattered a week ago... which in gem terms basically means... dead. Forever." The silence grew when the words were spoken, even Onion was in shock.

"I'd like to tell you about Peridot and the memories she gave us all here in beach city."

"Peridot started out as a Homeworld technician and she slowly but surely became a very valued member of our team. She was feisty, funny and just a great friend to all of us. Sure she had her ego, but she was always growing on us. Now I'd like to invite the gems she was also very influenced by on their life with Peridot"

Steven finished wiping away tears.

Amethyst in a dark suit and hair tied up walked over to the front and sighed heavily.

"I remember Peri's pure excitement when we went on our first mission with her." Amethyst chuckled sadly.

"She was such a ball of feisty energy, always curious of the world about her. Steven and I joined her together as the shorty squad." She chuckled holding back tears.

"But now... I guess we're always gonna remember her as more than a friend. A family member of the crystal gems."

Amethyst left the front and sat down in her seat sniffing and smiling at Steven fondly of the memories of her friend.

Pearl got up next, she was smiling sadly with tears in her eyes. She may not have been that close to Peridot, but she still respected her as a member of the crystal gems.

"I remember when Peridot and I were forced to work on a project together. She was very stubborn to say the least" there were a couple of chuckles from Pearl's comment.

"But she was a very skilled individual, though she may have gotten on my nerves a few times, heck on all of us a few times." The chuckles returned.

Pearl frowned as he laughter died out. "But she was still a big part of our family. We will miss her deeply"

Pearl finished as Garnet silently made her way to the front.  
"I remember having her say she was uncomfortable with me being a fusion. Heh what with me then trying her to the fence" Another set of lighthearted chuckles were heard.

"She eventually warmed up to me and trusted me as if I was her carerer, or I guess in a more human term "mother". We both warmed up to eachother and I even suggested we fuse. Poor thing was terribly flustered"

"But I know I'll never forget her smiling back." Garnet finished sitting back down.

Amethyst and Steven were already very emotional.

Bismuth decided she wanted to say something too.

"I hadn't known Peridot for that long before I realized how much of a great gem she was! After the fighting and when she finally reformed, we had spoken to eachother about a lot of different topics. She was such a massive form of energy when it came to things she was passionate about." Bismuth smiled.

"I guess in the end, she was just as courageous and feisty as she seemed, I'm sure I won't forget a face like that" Bismuth finished sitting back down.

Steven glanced over at the one empty seat.

The funeral had finished, but a certain gem hadn't shown up.

Steven raced into the temple to find it devoid of anything.

Not even Pumpkin was around.

Steven warped back to where the barn used to be and saw Lapis starring at the empty hole, Pumpkin was by her feet nuzzling onto her.

Steven could see emptiness in her eyes. Like she was dead inside. Everything she went through and the death of a good friend was justified by her dead state.

Steven could see tears running down her face. Trembling again, but silent staring.

Steven lowered his head as Lapis sat down starring right into the hole. She looked out in a contemplative glance.

As if her deep thinking was burning in deep frustration.

Steven sat next to her as she held her hands on her mouth, holding back verbal cries.

Her eyes were glossy and she could barely look at the boy sitting next to her.

"I know you didn't have the courage to come to the funeral..." Steven muttered softly.

"I don't blame you... it would have been very hard..." He said.

Lapis's devestated look didn't change. It was a look of shock as if she had made a horrible mistake and could never take it back.

Steven held onto Pumpkin who was whimpering softly.

"I never got to say..." Lapis muttered under her breath.

Steven looked up curiously.

Lapis's mouth shifted into a smile. A sad soft smile as if a memory had flooded back into her mind. A good memory.

"You know when I saved her from the roaming eye?" She asked.

Steven nodded.

Lapis looked up into the sky, tears once again running down her cheeks, but she was smiling, her lips quivering.

It was as if her grief and memories were battling one another.

"The way she looked at me that day..." she spoke soflty.

"The way we got along eventually after all of that."

"I was so hesitant about trusting her, but... "

Lapis's face fell yet again.

"I was too late...

Steven looked at Lapis confused and concerned.

"I never got to..." Lapis mumbled her voice cracking.

Steven's eyes widened as he recognized that same tone from Pearl. The tone of Voice Pearl used when speaking about his mother...

The same grief she felt when Rose was mentioned.

It was the same feeling.

Love.


End file.
